I’m Working With Boys May 30, 2007

How do I know?

Bear: (280 lb 5′7 Oneida Indian, whacking away at thick brush with a shovel): Hey Chris!

Chris: (130lb 6′3 dark skinned guy, screening dirt): What the fuck do you want?!

Bear: This is what I feel like when I do your mother!

Chris: Fuck you!

This Just In May 24, 2007

I pooed in a copse of trees at work this morning. If I ever have to do that again Neal is going to have to pay me way more than minimum wage.

My First Week of Work May 22, 2007

Wow. It was tough, and it was only four days long. On Monday we just hung around the office waiting for the rental car to appear, which it did, promply at 4:30 pm, 6 1/2 hours after it was supposed to be ready. Stupid twat of a rental car place. On Tuesday we went to Cambridge to work at RARE, which is the largest urban greenspace in Canada. We documented a helicopter crash site which was amazing. In February, 2 men went up in a helicopter to test the repairs that had been made to the malfunctioning helicopter. Apparently the repairs didn’t work because they crashed in a farmer’s field which is now RARE property. Both men survived, although one was seriously injured.

To get to the crash site we drove for a few minutes from RARE headquarters, hopped a cattle fence and walked about a mile on soil that made you want to curl up in a ball and cry for your mother. It sucked you down so that you had to use every last remaining bit of calf muscle to propel yourself forward. We were all dying after 30 seconds or so of walking on the shit. Anywho, the farmer had set up a few bales of hay where it was thought the helicopter first crashed. We started from the bales and walked outward, flagging each piece of debris we walked past. By noon we had used up over 200 flags and had a good idea as to the general trajectory of the helicopter, which had been flying south. The best part of the morning was when John found one of the men’s wedding band. We also found car keys, a belt buckle, a lens from a pair of glasses and clip-on sunglasses, along with debris from the helicopter, including the brake clutch and small pieces of the windshield (do helicopters have windshields?). After lunch we set up a transit and datum point and logged in all the pieces of debris.

This is a transit. You see construction people using them a lot. They are incredibly complicated and that is all I know about them. My job was to hold the big tall ruler-thingy while John logged the transit numbers.

When I got home I noticed that the soil from hell had followed me home.

I had hobbit feet.

Wednesday morning John took us on a hike of the area. We walked over an alvar,

which is a limestone outcropping. Because there is very little topsoil you usually only find grasses and shrubs. Occasionally you will find a tree which is growing in the crevices of the rock where soil has built up.

I also saw a bluejay. It was purty.

Patty, one of the directors of RARE came with us and told us how the group is trying to get rid of all the non-native plants on the land. Apparently this plant:

called Garlic Mustard is everywhere and is non-native. RARE gives permits to researchers who are trying to find ways to get rid of non-native species. John told me later that if it was up to the director of RARE he would get rid of all non-native species, including:

worms!!! Worms are native to Europe and were brought over to North America when the Europeans brought over potted plants.

I also hurt my foot on the hike. You know when you’re walking down a set of stairs and think that there are no more stairs but there’s actually one more and you land really hard on your foot? That’s what happened except there was a big pointy rock where I landed.

Damn Straight. Moving on…

We spent all day Thursday and Friday test-pitting on the alvar for archaic archaeological sites. We found lots of chert, bone and pottery but nothing fantastic like a projectile point.

Also, I literally ran into an extremely pissed off tree. Have you ever seen a Hawthorn? That’s what it was and it was P.O’d. Seriously. Look at this tree!

That’s Alanna in the back filling in one of the test pits. See how angry the tree is? Need a closer look?

The tree is covered in long sharp daggers that like to bite tender flesh. Here’s another shot:

The spines were all over the tree, and they were sharp. I can attest to that because Kayla dug a piece out of my hand yesterday.

From the very beginning the tree reminded me of the trees in the haunted forests that the cartoon heroines run into and get frightened, like Snow White:

Except these trees look entirely too tame.

Yeah! Like this one, with claws and fire coming from its eyes!

So that was pretty much my week. It was fun and brutal at the same time. I think this week will be even more brutal. Stay tuned!!

The Next Ansel Adams? May 16, 2007

As you all know, I am the embodiment of perfection. That said, I just reached a new plateau of awesomeness. Check out the pictures I took a couple days ago of the foliage in our backyard. Go right ahead and bask in my gloriousness!

I call it “Fly in the Grass”.

I think this is my absolute favorite. “Tears in the Jungle”

My second-favorite. “Birds on a Wire” (Just in case you don’t know, I’m an artist so I get to give my work abstract names)

“Tension”

“Light From Above”

“Adventures of a Grumpy Tree”

“Vision in Red”

I thought I’d reveal my humble side by presenting a few shots that were sub-par. I call this “Purple Shitheap”

“Pepto-Bismol?”

Well, that’s all folks!! Tune in next time for: My First Day of Work!!!! (A tale of farmer’s tans, wedding bands and a whole lotta dirt!!)

No Time! No Time!! May 15, 2007

I’m sorry, dear readers, I’ve been really busy and haven’t gotten around to updating in a while. I have a few posts on the go but nothing final yet. I’ll post a real one hopefully tomorrow. In the meantime, can anyone suggest some fun driving songs to put on my Mp3 player? (Jordy, what was on your old driving CD? There’s a few that I want but can’t remember titles.) See you later!!!!